self esteem...

not one of my strong suits. i wish i was more confident, had less insecurities. i mean, i know everyone has them. well, at least i hope everyone has them. it would make me feel a bit more normal. ;)
i don't think i was always this way. kinda one of those things that sneaks up on ya. you endure four years of high school. four years of competitive dancing/color guard. four years of lots of pressure on looks and figures. four years of being told that a size six is fat.
now i've been away from that far more than the years i was in it and for some silly reason, some of these thoughts, these silly ideals or standards remain with me. i know they are wrong and i have a husband who tells me i'm beautiful on a regular basis... but i still doubt it. and it's sad. i think it's sheer craziness that i have a hard time accepting it considering i know how bizarre i am for believing it. i need to relearn what was engrained into my brain.
it could also be why i'm enamored with the dove campaign for real beauty.
i mean, how great is this?! i love that they are embracing our differences. isn't boring to have everyone be 5'7" 125 pounds with blonde hair and blue eyes. i also think it's great to focus on inner beauty. i'm a huge fan of that. seriously, i know people who others think are drop dead gorgeous, but they are the meanist, nastiest person ever. so not pretty to me. but take someone who doesn't fit into the standard beauty category but is the kindest, most generous person. that's beautiful!
i totally need to buy some dove products to try and get one of their shirts. or even just donate.
read about this book on cathy z's blog. i think i need it. gonna call borders tomorrow before i leave work and see if they have it in.
gonna try to be more brave. go out there and try something and try not to be afraid of failure. to know it's okay to not succeed. that not succeeding doesn't equal failure. but opens us to growth and new opportunities and gives us much needed life experiences.