quote of the day...

i love quotes. i collect them. have been for years. must figure out a way to keep them organized so i don't have to dig thru piles to find that special one. was thinking about posting quotes on this blog and my takes on them. thinking that i'm definitely gonna have to do it now.
got this quote in an email today from my father-in-law. i love it. totally what i needed on such a crummy monday... some people are like slinkies. not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
now i know that this could sound horribly mean and rude. but it cracks me up. helped me laugh and relax after a crazy day at work. today i was thinking about how i need to work on my tolerance and patience. both of which i have none. then i saw the slinky quote and i realized who needs patience? who needs tolerance? seriously, all i have to do is picture the person that is annoying me fall down that flight of stairs.
honestly, i hope people don't really believe what i'm writing. i truly do want to work on my patience and tolerance. but sometimes it is soo frustrating. especially at work. today we are busting our butts and our patients are doing nothing but complaining. i'm sorry it's a crazy day. i'm sorry we are short staffed. i'm sorry we are overbooked. but can't you see that i haven't stopped once. that i'm not intentionally ignoring you. that your doctor has to review your chart and write your chemo orders before i can do anything. sometimes i feel so hopeless, frustrated, overwhelmed. i want to snap when someone makes a rude comment. but i bite my tongue. it doesn't make me any better of a person to retaliate. i think it could make me a weaker person. so today, i resolved to bite my tongue. to just grin and bear it. to realize that if someone can't see that i'm giving it my all there is nothing i can do about it....well, except picture them falling down that flight of stairs! just kidding! ;)

proud.

so today i went to my office's 2nd annual retreat. it's a day to have some fun. yes, some work topics were discussed but most of the day was spent eating and playing games! and something struck me on the way home. a new surge of excitement for my career. a sense of empowerment. a huge feeling of pride for the profession i have chosen. i felt this way after attending ons congress this year. oncology nursing society
it's nice to have these days. to remember why my job is so important and that everyday is worth it regardless of how stressed out i may get. that it's all about the patient. that their frustrations and anger are not intentionally directed at me, although i do tend to take it personally. what can i say, i'm a people pleaser.
that i have a thirst for knowledge and i need to work on learning more. oncology is such an exciting field. definitely scary, overwhelming, and sad. but at the same time hopeful. there are so many new treatments and drug types that are being developed that it is amazing.
i want to try to figure out a way to study and read research articles. to implement a study schedule. i tend to get so tired of chemo that i shy away from it when i come home. i need that downtime. a time for me. but i also need to grow. to learn. to absorb as much as i can about this topic that is sooo fascinating. to become a better nurse and resource for my patients. i want to be able to support and help them to the best of my abilities. and to do so, i need to keep up on the latest discoveries. i must set a schedule or find online resources or even find the time to do the zillion ce's that come in the mail every month. not just for myself but for my patients....

why scrap?

why do i do it? plain and simple...because i want to. i love the creative process. i love preserving memories. i love making personalized gifts and having people truly value them. i love the idea that i might be making something for future generations to see..
now, why must people assume scrapbookers are weird or have all the free time in the world. i hate it. a couple of weeks ago, i was at a going away party for a former boss. during the conversation the fact that the manager that replaced her is a scrapbooker came up. i heard the most derogatory comments about her and the hobby. i was a complete chicken and didn't say a word. maybe i was too shocked to say anything. but it got me thinking. who are you to judge? i know this could relate to a ton of topics but for pete's sake, the woman has found a something that she enjoys. she isn't harming anyone, so why does it matter to you?
i've also had people comment about the time i spend creating....must be nice to have sooo much free time. really, i have just as much free time as you. it's just how i choose to spend my time. while you are sitting on the couch watching t.v. i am spending time creating layouts or cards or gifts.
recently i have been working on an album for work. i kinda got suckered into but hey it might be the only time i can make my boss happy! so i've spent a lot of timing working on it...it's been frustrating knowing that i HAVE to do this. got me thinking that i am more creative when i'm not forced to do something. i also think the fact that i had to create 20-something pages and then help put 40 books together is a wee bit overwhelming. thankfully, i didn't have to make all of the copies. nor will i have to put the finishing touches on it....my part will be all over after this weekend...if i can get it done. i think i can safely say that i do not want to see another 8 1/2 x 11 page or a tag for quite sometime!
many people want to be on design teams and i've thought long and hard if this is something that i would want. i am still not 100% sure with my decision and it may change with time but for now, i cannot imagine working with a deadline. so stressful. don't get me wrong, the freebies would be wonderful but then my hobby is turned into work. and it doesn't seem like it would be as fun. like this album for work, the supplies and my time will be reimbursed but i just dread working on it. maybe this is the chicken answer. maybe i'm ultimately afraid of defeat. who knows. i just know that i love this hobby and i'm totally lucky to have stumbled into it!

yummy fruit water....

so i have been trying to drink more water....there are way more bad days than good! i do so well for a few days and then i get bored with it. there is only so much lime or lemon you can add to it! nick and i decided to try fruit20 eventho we both aren't huge fans of splenda. well, it's working. the grape is by far my favorite. we have tried almost all the flavors. i'm hoping that this find will aid in the goal of at least 8 glasses a day! now if only i can get this exercise and diet thing under control! ;)

why oh why...

do people have to give me such grief for not wanting children...right now?!
i really don't understand. can't they respect our decision? i mean i don't walk around telling people that they are stupid for having children. it's a personal decision. a choice that most people make...to have children or not to have children. honestly, i think that people should be happy for us. we know that we aren't ready for them yet. that there is so much more we want to do and accomplish before we change our lives completely. and that we are way too selfish right now to bring a baby into the picture.
who are they to judge me and tell me how i should live my life? considering i think that we are being very responsible and grown up about the whole thing.... it's not like i said that we would NEVER have children. that hasn't been decided. nick and i want to wait and will re-evaluate where we want to be in a few years.
some may say, why rationalize? because i am a crazy, type a person. i want it all spelled out in front of me. that is why! and i'm not saying that i would turn into a lunatic if that 99.9% accurate pill doesn't do it's job....we would be happy and hope to have a healthy baby.
it's just not something we are planning. why rush? if and when it is meant to be it will happen. it also doesn't mean that i have something against children! why do people always assume this? yes, i have a problem with the undisciplined child running and screaming and jumping into our booth at dinner...but not most children! i am happy to babysit for friends and family. because it is nice to know that i can give them back. having children is a no turning back situation and we want to make sure that we are ready for such a life altering experience. :)

i love this blog...it feels so much better to get this stuff off of my chest! and i wouldn't do it otherwise since i'm not a huge fan of pen and paper!!

2 years....

of wedded bliss. yup, today is our anniversary. nick was amazing. of course! :) he made a wonderful dinner...filet mignon, pasta, sauteed mushrooms, and chocolate covered strawberries. yum! now i really do feel like a heffalump!
so, honestly the last two years have been great. to me nothing changed when we got married. we are still the same nick and shan that we always were. it's kinda nice growing up with the one you love. the one you were meant to be with. i am so lucky that we were able to grow up together and not apart over these past twelve years. i hope we continue on this path.
now, i'm not saying that we don't have our arguments or disagreements. because we do! but i think different ideas and perspectives are healthy. i like having to rethink something or being shown a new way. nick may argue this point. yes, i am very stubborn and i hate to admit that i am wrong. truth be told...i really do like it. broaden my horizons, make me think outside the box, please don't let me become complacent and not open to new experiences.
those experiences are part of life...living, learning, growing.
now that my random mind has wandered, i will return to the original topic. my hubby! i love him more each day and cannot imagine being without him! he means the world to me....baby, if you ever read this...i love you with all my heart!


nick and shan *maui, hi 10-2004*